The Rev. Dr. Garry Crites, "A Present for Yourself"
A Present for Yourself
---The Rev. Dr. Garry Crites
Have you ever noticed how many holidays in December include gift-giving? Perhaps most obvious are those within Christianity, starting with Saint Nicholas Day and Saint Lucia Day, and ending on Christmas morning…with the occasional foray into the twelve days of Christmas that end with Epiphany. (Coming from a Swiss-German background, my family always opens gifts on Christmas Eve; Christmas Day was always a childhood anticlimax.)
But other religions have December gift-giving holidays as well. Many Hindu adherents celebrate Pancha Ganapati with picnics and gifts. And Jewish families often celebrate Hanukkah, which offers (as Adam Sandler sings), “instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.”
Some holiday gifts are big and flashy; every year there are commercials of someone going out their front door and seeing a fancy car wrapped in a giant bow. (Does anyone actually ever do that? Not in my neighborhood!)
Some gifts are small; the first Christmas gift I ever gave to my (then) fiancée was a tiny piano-shaped music box, which played the theme song from the movie Love Story. (I know, that movie dates me. It also has the worst line in cinematic history: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”)
Some gifts are practical. (Although, to be honest, I have never quite grasped the reason for giving socks and underwear for the holidays; you do know, don’t you, that Walmart is open 12 months a year for when that need arises?)
And, as the late theologian Halford Luccock wonderfully reminded us, “The best gifts of love are those which show a lovely lack of common sense…. There is high precedent for all of this. The first Christmas gift was highly inappropriate—a baby in a barn.” (A Sprig of Holly, pp. 9-10).
As you make out your holiday gift list this year, may I make a recommendation? It’s not for your family, for your coworkers, or for your barber. It is for you. Give yourself the gift of self-care during the month of December. I am serious—carve time out for you.
The holidays can be magical, but they can also be brutal. The stress of overcommitting ourselves, the financial holes into which we too often throw ourselves, the unrealistic expectations that we place upon ourselves and our families, too much togetherness—these can cause December to be riddled with anxieties. Add to that the cold, the darkness, and the long hours produced by adding holiday traditions on top of an already busy life—and it can be a recipe for emotional disaster.
For clergy, it is typically worse. We have so many additional responsibilities placed upon us during the holidays due to special services that need prep time, well-meaning parishioners who insist that we must come to their family celebrations, couples who decide that this is a great month to get married, and helping others deal with their emotional holiday challenges—all while pivoting for the occasional funeral or unexpected medical emergency which inevitably pops up without warning during the month.
Self-care can mean a lot of different things to different people in different scenarios, but here is one thing we can all do: I always encourage people to carve a minimum of two hours per week out of their schedule for themselves and the things they like to do…and that time is off limits to family, friends, and coworkers. This is a trick my counselor taught me years ago that has gotten me through a lot of difficult times. During the holidays, this should be non-negotiable. We simply must have time to recharge.
I hear my clergy colleagues saying, “Yeah, right. I could never find two hours a week for myself anytime, let alone during the holidays.” That is precisely why we must do it. We are pouring out so much from our emotional and physical cisterns during December, and if we do nothing to replenish them, we will (at best) end up with nothing left at the end of the month, or (at worst) we will be flat on our backs, our bodies having reminded us that if we don’t set limits, our bodies will.
Perhaps worst of all, we risk missing the magic and mystery that the holidays are meant to bring.
So mark off two hours per week for you—put it into your planner as an actual appointment. That way you can honestly say, “Hmmm…that sounds fun, but I already have a commitment at 2:00.” Do the things that replenish your soul and calm your body, whether that be hiking the Eno, putting headphones on and listening to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons from beginning to end, or taking pictures of poinsettias in Duke Chapel. No errands for family members or things that “I should do”—this is your gift to you, so make it good.
It may be the best gift you receive this year.
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