Erica Baldwin, "Church Hurt: A Front Row View"

"Church Hurt: A Front Row View"

                                                  --- Erica Baldwin

Church Hurt: a phrase that captures how many have felt but we rarely discuss. What is Church Hurt? "It is the emotional, spiritual, and physical harm caused by a church [faith community] to others, regardless of intent."- Darrell Proctor, the founder of LoveIsBroken.

There is no one size fits all scenario for church hurt. "It may be one major wound or death by a thousand cuts," Stacy Hurdle, social worker, and blog writer, explains. Church hurt can be experienced by anyone who's involved in the church. Many believe it is only the experiences of congregants, but pastors, their children, deacons, trustees, and other church leaders also experience church hurt.

As a pastor's daughter, I can personally recall multiple accounts where I experienced 'church hurt .' From having members write letters talking about myself and my family to being used to getting closer to my father, some of the biggest challenges in my life came from people who recognized themselves as Christian. I can recall a specific instance where particular members attacked us as we were grieving the loss of my late grandmother. My father, who eulogized his mother, found himself having to deal with church drama while attempting to suffer the loss of his mother, all in the same sentence. Things like this are hard not only to watch but also to experience. 

Experiences like these are part of the reason David Kinmann, author of Unchristian, Faith for Exiles, Good Faith, and President and CEO of the Barna Group, found preacher's kids to be a group of interest for this particular study. Kinnaman's research found that 40% of pastors said their children aged 15 or older went through a period where they significantly doubted their faith, and overall, one-third of pastors reported that their children were no longer involved in the church. The top three reasons pastors believe their kids struggle with their faith are:

-Unrealistic expectations.

-Exposure to negative aspects of the church.

-Their preoccupation (not having time for their own families).

Church hurt is not widely researched, but it should start circulating in our faith communities. Church hurt has the ability to impact a person's self worth, self-esteem, emotional well-being, and overall mental health. May we all take a second to reflect on our personal experiences and the experiences of those around you. Shelly Rambo, a systematic and constructive theologian, states that "the language of theology must take the form of witness and testimony because trauma is one of the hardest things to describe." The term church hurt comes with experiences of trauma itself, but it creates a space for those who are affected by it. Partners of Health and Wholeness have started to have conversations around church hurt, and have started to develop aids to begin to combat it. Be on the lookout soon, and don't be afraid to share your experiences! Once we start having discussions around church hurt, we can acknowledge the roles we may have played and make the proper changes to begin to heal from church hurt as a nation.

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Erica Baldwin is a student at Wake Forest School of Divinity, where she is pursuing her Master of Divinity degree. Erica is a summer intern with Partners in Health and Wholeness, an initiative of the NC Council of Churches. She has a drive for blending the connections between mental health and religion and is working along the Partners in Health and Wholeness team to further this work.

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The Clergy and Mental Health Blog is a forum for faith leaders to share insights and observations, sometimes speaking from personal experience, about faith and mental health.  We welcome diversity of thought and perspective.  The view of authors are their own and do not represent the views of the blog as a whole.

Please send comments and questions to: ClergyMHBlog@gmail.com

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