Rabbi Hannah Bender, Judea Reform Congregation, "The Jewish Wisdom of Community Care"

  

The Jewish Wisdom of Community Care

--- Rabbi Hannah Bender

Within our broader culture, mental health is often posed as an individual problem to solve. We ask ourselves, “what can I do to feel better?” We look for the right therapist, the correct medication, the right habits and routine. These are incredible options, and have an essential place in understanding one's own brain and systems for moving forward. However, this individualistic view of mental health distracts us from another vital question, “who can carry this with me?”

Through a Jewish lens, this second question seems to be front and center in all facets of my tradition and my work as a rabbi. Healing and challenge, moving through suffering, has always been community based within the history of my people. Jewish practice, ritual, and law, are overwhelmingly communal. There are laws around communal prayers, obligations for supporting the sick and grieving, even celebrations that require the community to gather. From the very beginning of our sacred texts, that we share with other traditions, it is clear that we are never meant to go through life alone. 

Early on in Genesis we are told “It is not good for the human to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). The first mention of something “not good” within our text is not sin, not conflict, but instead, is isolation. The truth in this verse lies deep within our nature as human beings. We are inherently social creatures. We need each other. 

The most tragic thing about many mental health struggles is that they often convince us to isolate. One of the things I see most often in my career as a rabbi is that people will often begin their sharing with “I haven't told anyone this before.” The voices in our heads may be telling us that no one wants to hear from us, to not bother those around us, or worse, that if our community knew what we were struggling with, they would walk away. Shame around mental health has the power to become an incredibly convincing narrator.

Jewish texts seem to understand this temptation. Long before we had language of psychology, Jewish text understood how easily human beings can drift away in moments of struggle. Pirkei Avot, a core text within the Mishnah, a collection of Jewish Oral Law codified around the 2nd century CE, states, “do not separate yourself from the community.” This verse has often been used to encourage folks to stay engaged in communal life in all moments, but is especially powerful when thinking about our most challenging periods with mental health. When our struggles urge us to isolate, Judaism pushes us, ever so gently, to move towards one another instead. 

My tradition does not believe that being in community will “fix” our problems, instead it holds the truth that no one should ever have to carry their challenges alone.  Community care is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Therapy, medication, crisis intervention, and other forms of treatment saves lives. Just as we bring meals to those after surgery, mental illness requires treatment and support. Just as we bring meals to those recovering from surgery, people living with mental illness also deserve the same networks of care. Faith communities have a unique and powerful obligation towards the creation of these systems. 

Breaking one's silence on our mental health struggles is one of the hardest things we can do. But sharing them with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or clergy person, can aid us as we carry it. Community cannot cure every illness, but it can soften the loneliness that so often accompanies them. The wisdom we find both in Genesis and Pirkei Avot are not simply about the joy that comes when being with others, but about the beauty that can come when the pain is held with others. 

There is indeed a rhythm between turning inward and turning towards others. Avoiding isolation does not mean that we must always be sharing, explaining, or inviting others into our most difficult moments. But we must, as community members, clergy people, those struggling with mental health and others wanting to support, must cultivate healthy communities where we can move between independence and connection with trust. 

In this hyper individualistic world that pushes us to deal with our challenges quietly, Judaism offers a different vision of a community that always has room for those struggling. We are all meant to be known and seen and loved with all that we are holding. Those struggling with mental health deserve communities where they can both speak about these struggles, but also where they are not defined by them. All deserve communities where they can experience joy, humor, connection, and friendship. Communities where when one is struggling they know to ask both questions- what can I do to feel better and who can help carry this with me.

 

Rabbi Hannah Bender is the Assistant Rabbi at Judea Reform Congregation in Durham. Hannah is passionate about helping folks find the ways that Judaism can add meaning to their lives, building relationships across lines of difference, and working in community around social justice. They love yoga, crafting, and sitting under trees. 

 

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The Clergy and Mental Health Blog is a forum for faith leaders to share insights and observations, sometimes speaking from personal experience, about faith and mental health.  We welcome diversity of thought and perspective.  The view of authors are their own and do not represent the views of the blog as a whole.

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